Just a quick blog entry from me. It’s been a week since me last entry, where I talked about being paid for the first time.
This seems, on the face of it, a good thing. I mean I got paid right?! But for me, it seems to bring pain more than anything else. The reason I say this is because in the week after payday, I need to pay some of my bills. Or at least those that I can, and the minimum balances on my credit cards that I can pay. To do this, I need to log in to my accounts, see what the minimum balance is, at it reminds me just how much debt I’m in. Just how much I have on all of my credit cards, and how much I owe those closest to me. During the month, I don’t need to look at these balances. I roughly know how much I have to spend for the month on a card (i.e. the minimum payment I paid off before the interest hits!). And in a way this is a distraction, and a welcome one, from all the trouble and all of the debt I find myself in. So, when I need to think about my debt again, it’s hard. It brings back lots of raw emotions and makes me realise all the mistakes I’ve made. But part of me also wants a short term answer to these problems, because even when I pay off the minimum amounts, it feels like I’m never going to get out of this debt. Not this way. Maybe one big gambling win could make me some money back, reduce my interest on a card so I can pay off more capital… And I got the Women’s World Cup results right. I’ve got the majority of tennis matches at Wimbledon right. Including the ‘shocks’ – the long odds matches I’ve got right. Sure I’ve got a few wrong, but we tend to forget these and focus on the ones we got right! I need to remember there is no short-term fix to my long term problem, and that gambling isn’t the answer. I’ve tried the gambling approach plenty of times and end up in the same place. It won’t be different this time – and I know that, even if it’s hard to accept and the optimist in me is trying to break free from the shackles. |
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