I've often looked at the level of my debt and felt nothing but despair. Other times I've tried to think more positively, and treat it as a challenge, a challenge to pay the whole amount off and think what an achievement that would be. The problem with that is I've then found myself drawn back in trying to repay the debt through gambling. It's not necessarily the chasing losses part, at least that's not how it starts out. It starts with the best intentions; gambling a little bit, not on any 'silly' bets, but on 'sensible' bets at smallish amounts to allow me to pay that bill or minimum credit card payment, which I wouldn't be able to pay off otherwise. Whilst I start with the best intentions, I then find myself thinking about ALL of my debt. Thinking how difficult it is, how much interest I'm paying each month, how I need to work two jobs and each month after interest payments I'm hardly even making a dent in the capital I still need to repay. Before I know it, I'm then gambling with bigger amounts. A few wins, or a few losses, and I'm back into the swing of gambling; amounts won or lost just become numbers on a screen and I'll keep gambling until I have nothing left. Various times over the past 10 years I've won enough to pay the minimum payment on a card, in fact even pay off that whole card, and various others. Much more than I originally set out to do when I got back into the 'sensible bets' on gambling. But not matter how much I end up winning, it's not enough to pay off the whole amount of debt. Even if it was, at that stage I'd start thinking about all the interest paid over time, the amount of capital I lost, and thus I'd chase my losses. Even if I win those losses back, I'd keep gambling. I mean, that's how I got into this mess in the first place, so why would it be any different this time?! Thinking through this thought process helped me come to two realisations. Two realisations that seem straightforward, logical and common sense. But two that I have actually really started to believe, rather than just thinking I believed. 1) short term thinking - the power of incrementalism Don't think about how long it'll take to repay your debts - I always used to say it'd take 5 years, or 7 years, or 10 years to repay all my debt. That didn't help; it made me want to resolve that problem quickly and made me turn to gambling as the quick fix. Whilst it may take a long time, I've now set myself short term achievable goals. Get to the end of the month without gambling; pay the minimum payments on cards and £20 capital on another card. Get another card to drop down from say £530 to £499, so now it's in the four hundreds rather than five hundreds. Small, achievable goals and steps. And although if you do catch yourself thinking longer term, such that this will take 20 years to repay, just think that step by step you are getting there. You are repaying debt. You are not gambling. You are getting closer to more financial choice and on the road to financial freedom, no matter how long and difficult that road may be, you're on it. 2) a quick term fix isn't the right fix - resetting expectations and facing into the true consequences of your decisions When I'm gambling, if I have access to money, I always feel like I'm in with a shot of winning more money. Even if I have lost £100k, I think if I have a credit card with £5k on it, I still have a chance. And it doesn't really sink in what or how much I've lost until I literally don't have any pennies I can use for gambling. It never seems to sink in properly before that. And there's a parallel in the way I think about my gambling debt; I always think there will be a way I can pay it off more quickly than I should. Maybe I win a scratch card, the lottery, win big gambling, get lucky in a prize draw. No matter what it is, until recently I always had hope of a quick resolution. Facing into the fact that there's no quick fix is something that's only just dawned on me. Seems strange that after 10 years I'm only just facing into this now, but since when have gambling addicts always been completely rational? Realising there is no quick fix, and managing this through short term, achievable goals (be that financial or otherwise) is something that's really helped me to keep going, to be gamble free for the last 4 and a but months. It all seems quite simple really, but for me it wasn't. I still held on hope that my problems would go away, and I've only just now had the realisation that that isn't going to be the case. Maybe it's the first time I've been truly honest with myself. It's been a while since my last post; and I'm happy to say I've found some success (so far at least!). I haven't gambled since my last post back in July, which makes it about 4 months since I last gambled. The three things we should initially look at when we want to stop ourselves gambling are: 1) time; 2) access; and 3) money I've been trying to keep myself particularly busy recently, essentially by working a second job, which is the reason I get less time than I'd like talking to people like you and posting on this blog. The second job means that I don't have an awful lot of spare time. It's not that I used to sit indoors and do nothing before: I already had a demanding job, I play for two football teams, I run, play sports, and so on. However, there were times where I'd have some time in the evening, and rather than doing one of the many 'admin jobs' there was to do, I instead found myself checking football or tennis scores. And before I knew it, I was trying to sign up to whatever brand new gambling sites had set up in the last month I could register with that I wasn't blocked/self excluded from, and I think we all know where it ends (even if we tell ourselves if we get a win we'd do something differently this time around!) There'a also a new tool to use with GAMSTOP, which uses your e-mail address to automatically self-exclude you from a wide range of online betting sites. More importantly, it's FREE! I've always been told I could/should use some of the paid gambling blocking software, but money was so tight, that I can't really afford to be spending money on these things. Friends, colleagues, counsellors had always said "think how much you could lose if you gamble again, you should spend this money on the software to help you". However when you have overdue debts coming out of your ears, can't make minimum payments, getting payment demands through, can't afford the food shop that week, it's incredibly hard to just say "yeah sure, why don't I invest in that now as it'll help me in the future". It's just not that easy. Don't get me wrong, the paid for software can be particularly helpful for some people and it certainly helps to address part 2) above, in limiting your access to gambling sites. I just always feel there's a work around given how often we upgrade our phones, have access to iPads, PCs, laptops, and so forth. This free software allows you to block your e-mail addresses, so no matter what device you use you can't sign into any main betting sites with those e-mail addresses. Sure, there's a workaround, but you need to be thinking about entering all of your sign in information, and also need to go through the personal identification checks at the new sites / new sign ups, and thus there's lots more to do before you can get that gambling fix. Hopefully that time allows for some reflection, where that immediate urge or need we get to gamble sometimes can dissipate. By making it that bit harder to gamble, and especially to gamble when we get the urge, hopefully it allows us to regain some rationality, before we start rationalising the irrational thoughts that come over us all, such as 'this time will be the time' or 'this time I'll win a bit and take i out'. History has certainly told me that no matter how much I win right now, I will undoubtedly end the day, week or month wit nothing. Please do reflect on your own experiences; think back to when you've gambled before, and think what's driven it. Whilst we all have our own triggers, be that chasing losses, escaping personal loss or other personal problems, there needs to be all three components explained above to allow our gambling addictions to overcome us. How can you limit your access to gambling sites, to money, or to time, and which one is likely to be most effective for you? Please do use the contact me button for anyone who wishes to get in contact - I will be checking more regularly as this blog is something that really helps me, and I hope it helps at least someone else out there too. All the best, AGJ |
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